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Stupid Trend Alert: Genital Freezing

Cold Snap Endangers California Citrus Crop
Who wouldn’t want their twig & berries to look like these? (Getty Images)

They say that you can’t fix stupid. I wish “they” would keep trying.

The latest stupid fad is exactly what the title says. People are f*#king freezing their genitals. The trend is only in merry ol’ d*ck-freezing England right now, but it’s bound to spread (like frost?) to the U.S., because people are idiots.

The technique “works by blasting a -160 degree vapour via a liquid nitrogen tank over the genital area. The nitrogen is filtered and pushed out through a funnel in the form of an ice-cold vapour during the 30-minute invigorating treatment.”

30 minutes of triple-digit sub-temps on my sub-digit? Hard (…) pass.

The spa says:


When the sub-zero temperature covers the skin, the sudden drop in heat stimulates the temperature receptors, prompting the brain to transmit messages throughout the body so the blood vessels undergo ‘vasoconstriction’.

This produces a quicker blood flow and ramps up endorphin levels, generating a natural high.”

While the skin continues to feel the ‘freeze’ the body sends signals back and forth to the brain.

These messengers tell the brain if there is damage to the tissues, to repair them.

It’s this that along with the instant endorphin level energy boost and natural high, generates a tighter, youthful, clear and vibrant genital skin appearance through boosting collagen.”

Just £50 ($62.12 in ‘Merican) to make my junk look younger and get me high? How about I hold my breath for a minute, take a shot of Jameson, and accept that my junk ages, too. I’ll just manscape to avoid gray pubes.

H/T: The Mirror

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